The Not-So-Secret Secret to Living Your Best Life

Photo of Skylar with a puppy and a pizza

December 9, 2024

Want to transform yourself? Everyone’s got a theory about habit-building and lifestyle changes. Forget the complicated systems and 90-day challenges – here are my surprisingly simple strategies for living the life you want, one pretense at a time.

Want to be more fit?

Skip the fancy fitness apps and protein powders. Just spend a year living like a healthier person would, and your body will eventually catch up to your delusions of athleticism.

  1. Buy groceries like you’re a health influencer (yes, kale goes in everything)
  2. Set your alarm for 5:30 AM (whether you get up is another story)
  3. Own at least three matching workout sets (wearing them counts as exercise)
  4. Talk about your “morning run” so much that you shame yourself into actually doing it
  5. Learn to pronounce “açaí” correctly (it’s harder than the actual workout)

Want to make more money?

Time to channel your inner millionaire. Start acting wealthy before your bank account gets the memo, and watch the universe scramble to catch up.

  1. Check your investment portfolio as often as you check your ex’s Instagram
  2. Use words like “diversification” and “compound interest” in casual conversation
  3. Wear clothes that make you look expensive (even if they’re from the clearance rack)
  4. Network at events where you feel slightly out of place
  5. Practice your “I’m considering my options” face for salary negotiations

Want to be happier?

Forget the year-long transformation and self-help books. The secret to happiness is simpler than you think.

  1. Get a puppy (or borrow one – we don’t judge)
  2. Order pizza with extra cheese (it’s scientifically proven to be happier than regular cheese)
  3. Watch said puppy try to eat said pizza
  4. Send puppy photos to everyone you know
  5. Create a pizza fund instead of a retirement fund
Remember: Happiness doesn't come from your habits. It comes from cute baby animals & an occasional burst of carbs. While everyone else is trying to optimize their morning routines, you'll be living your best life one puppy snuggle and pizza slice at a time.
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